The doctor's visit and a little reflection

Our visit on Thursday went well. The doctor said that his lymph nodes are all normal size. His spleen is still enlarged but he said that the maintenance chemo should take care of that. The other cancer markers look good as well. It looks like the transplant did it's job. Dave gets his first doses of chemo on Tues, March 29th and Fri, April 1st. He decided to do two doses a week every other week. He will be on that schedule for a full year. We will see how things go. Hopefully he won't feel too tired or too sick.
Dave is still bald. He has some blond peach fuzz hairs starting to peek through. Our time at home is coming to a close. I have mixed feelings about getting back to REAL life. It has been a sweet time to be together as much as we have. Dave remains in good spirits. I overheard him telling someone on the phone the other day, "Man, I am lucky to have a stem-cell transplant so I can watch all of the March Madness games." I love that he considers himself lucky. We do feel so blessed for the doctors, medicine and treatment that he has received. We are also grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord and his earthly angels that we have felt along the way.

We have made a lot of fond memories during our time together. One of our favorite times of the day is when we go sneek into the kids bedrooms before we go to bed. We love watching them sleep. There is an indescribable feeling of love, pride, gratitude, and joy staring at their faces. Ally and Brody take after their dad's sleeping positions and is usually curled up is a peaceful sleep. Grant is usually sprawled out across his bed with at least one extremity dangling off, he takes after me. Those night time moments make it all worth it.

As we get back to our new real life. I hope that we can remember to take with us the gratitude, compassion, and perspective that we have gained through this experience. We will never forget the kindness and love shown to us by family and friends.

We're Alive

We are healthy and happy. Sorry that I haven't posted for a little while. I have been working on a slide show of Dave's pictures and some of our favorite memories of the past year. I kept trying to get it on our blog but the music wouldn't work. So for those of you motivated enough you can paste the link and watch the slide show. Make sure your sound is on. I found a song for Dave that I liked even though I am not a country fan. It is a Kenny Chesney/Dave Matthew duet. The pictures are not in chronological order but the last picture is the most recent of Dave.

http://www.go2album.com/showAlbum/548623/dave-slideshow

We are doing well and enjoying our family time. This week Dave will get another full body PET scan to measure the tumors and see if they are smaller or gone. Also he will get his blood retested to check for any of the cancer markers. We will meet with the doctor on Thursday and get the results. Hopefully things check out well and then he will start his maintenance chemo. Then he will be getting 4 rounds of chemo a month for the next 12 months.

We are so grateful Dave is recovering so well. We are loving the warmer weather and spending time outside with some fresh air.

"So Sweet and Precious is Family Life." -James McBride

Dave has had a cough for a few days but it seems to be clearing up. He got up this morning and did some push-ups and sit-ups, he is getting stronger everyday.
This morning we built a fort in Brody's room and the kids had fun crawling around. The kids were thrilled that they got to play in the snow today. As soon as we got Brody down to sleep for his nap I spent the next 15 minutes getting the kids dressed in their snow clothes. I told them that they needed to play outside for at least 15 minutes to make it worth all the work finding the gloves,hats, scarfs, boots, etc. There is something precious about kids hardly being able to walk bundled up in thier snow clothes.
The kids took a bath in our jetted tub tonight. Ally and Brody love the jets and Grant is terified of them. Ally tried to convince Grant to let her turn the jets on. He finally agreed but said, "Can I hug you while you turn them on." They hugged and that sweet assurance is all he needed.
Brody has been cutting some teeth and been grumpy. Ally has been extra loving to him and said "Mom, It's hard to grow new teeth. I know how he feels." She is such a sweet big sister.
On Wednesday our carbon monoxide alarms kept going off. We changed the batteries and they still went off. We called around to see who could make sure we didn't have carbon monoxide in our house and a fire truck and ambulance showed up. Of course all the neighbors came out worried that there was something wrong with Dave. We were really starting to feel a lapse of attention and though we would boost it up a notch. Those who know us know that we love a lot of attention (not really). We are sorry for the anxiety is may have caused our neighbors.
The firemen went in with a sledgehammer and an axe. They were inside 10 minutes and then came out peacefully (with all the walls intact) and no carbon monoxide to be found. They told us that our alarms were expired since 2007 which is strange since we bought the house newly finished in 2008. Anyway we were glad that we could sleep well that night knowing that there was nothing to worry about.
My brother Matt and his wife had thier baby yesterday. She had a super quick delivery and the baby has been in the NICU for some glucose problems. I saw a picture tonight and she is precious. They are hopeful that she can go home soon. On a sad note, our sweet sister-in-law lost her baby yesterday at 12 weeks pregnant. We are so sad for the loss. We love them and are praying for them.

Joe is back

Joe has been staying with Dave's brother Steve and Amanda for the past three weeks. We started to miss him and he is now home with us. Things just didn't feel quite complete without him. I have to admit I really missed having him around and so did the kids. We adopted Joe from our friend's the Pettits about 4 years ago.

According to the doctor, Dave isn't supposed to touch him because of bacteria. He washes his hand if Joe slips a quick lick in. But we have enjoyed having him home. Things feel complete with him here.

We are doing good otherwise. I finally got unpacked today and folded over a weeks worth of laundry. Yesturday The kids and I went on a walk. It felt soooo good to be outside and breathe the fresh air. Dave started working on some certification classes that he is doing. He started doing a chapter a day. Go Dave.

Faith over Fear

When Dave first went to the hospital back in October. I remember going home each night with more questions than answers. It took a month before we got the Castleman's diagnosis and then a couple months after before they were sure that he had POEMS syndrome too. When the kids would ask me if Daddy was going to die. I found myself wondering the same thing. I didn't know how to pray. I wasn't sure if I was ready for "Thy will be done." I wanted "my will"- which was for Dave to be okay and our family to go back to normal. As we approached the chemo and transplant my anxiety grew. I wasn't sure if I needed to just hope for the best or prepare for the worst. My mind would wander what would it be like to be a widow at 32yrs. old. How would I take care of my kids by myself. How would they get by without a dad. I pictured Daddy- daughter dates and Father-son campouts unattended. It was hard not to think it. I guess I was running rehersals in my mind to try and prepare myself for that possibility. Convincing myself that I would be okay no matter what happens was my way to manage the anxiety.
A few days before the chemo began. We had a visit from the Stake President and the Bishop. The President gave me a beautiful blessing which words continue to resonate with me each time I get discouraged. The Bishop shared a quote with me that gave me the answered to what I had been looking for.

"Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism."-Richard C. Edgely

It has helped me each time I start feeling afraid. It was truly the answer I was looking for. Today has been a challenging day. Dave slept a lot and we all seemed a little more emotional than usual. But we made it through. Tonight we sang some songs and read some books. Brody wanted to say the family prayer. He grunts his best attempt at copying your words. Ally and Grant couldn't help themselves from laughing. Children's giggles have to be among one of life's most heartwarming sounds.

Just another day in paradise.....

Dave lost his hair in patches this week. So he decided to "Bic" it. I think he looks good! The eyebrows and goatee are still hanging on.

....you know you had a rough night of sleep when you forget how many times you were awaken in the night by each of your kids: bad dreams, growing pains, potty breaks, needing a drink, or spurts of random crying (Brody). Amazingly I don't feel too tired, yet. Dave said that he had a couple requests for me to update the blog. So, sorry for being a slacker all week. Thanks to those who are faithfully following our progress.

We have had a great week as a family. It has been such a great thing to just enjoy being together. Dave sleeps in and takes naps during the day. He is getting a lot of rest. The doctor says he is not allowed to do any housework or go to work for 6 weeks. He helps me out by playing video games or watching TV with the kids. Brody likes to go over the the couch and pat the cushion where he wants Dave to sit. Then he goes over and climbs up on the couch next to him. Grant is getting a lot of extra help on his Lego Indiana Jones game and said that he can't believe they are beating so many levels. He loves playing alongside Dave. Dave has been teasing me that this is my dream come true. I love having him home, not sick, but it has been fun to just forget about life and be together.

There have been days or weeks of life where happiness has eluded me. Depressed and anxious feelings, I believe, are part of the human experience. It is in those difficult moments that we learn about ourselves or plead for closeness with our Heavenly Father. I have been thinking about how often have I wished the present moment away and thought I can't wait till.....We go on a trip, we get a new car, the kids are all in school, I loose my baby weight, the house is all organized, when everyone is healthy, and on and on. My lists of "I will be happy when" could be neverending. I have come to realize that happiness isn't bought, a certain size, or time of life. It is a choice, and a gift of the Spirit. And although my house is a mess, I am not my ideal size, our car isn't fancy and my husband is sick. I feel truly happy. I feel grateful for life, health, the gospel, friends, family, and the safety of our home. I am living in my own little paradise.

Batman vs. Chemo

Our friends, the Kellers, found this and sent it to us in the mail yesterday. Enclosed was a card that stated "We thought you could use a little help." It was hillarioes when I figured out who Batman was fighting. I had residual delayed laughter throughout the day. The kids have been having fun playing with it too. It's nice to know that we have Batman on our side.

There's no place like home

We have been enjoying being with our kids. Ally Jane kept asking if we were going to be home by Valentine's Day. That was so important to her. They kids and my mom had decorated our house with hearts and a welcome home banner. Ally even spent "two days" to sprinkle our bed with hand-made heart confetti. It looked like a lot of work.

Dave still went to the hospital on Saturday and Sunday. His counts are rising and he officially engrafted which means the stem cells have made it to the bone marrow and are starting to produce cells on thier own. They are giving him neupogen shots that stimulate the white blood cell production. Since we have been home he has seemed really tired. He has been sleeping alot. His hair has finally started falling out. On Sunday he woke up to a very hairy pillow. We gave him a closer shave. He is one handsome bald man. Today we had heart-shaped crepes, strawberries, and turkey sausage for breakfast. Our traditional holiday/birthday breakfast. It feels good to be home. Ally Jane and Grant made Valentine's for their classes and sent them with friends so they could semi-participate in Valentine's at their schools. Dave's immune system is still weak so we will be keeping the kids home another 4-6 weeks. They show no signs of cabin fever yet.

We feel so blessed to have everyone else healthy. Dave's work gave a generous amount from their bake sale to help with medical bills, our ward brought us a deep freeze full of meals, and a box full of toys and activities for our kids. Friends and family have sent packages, letters, emails, and left phone calls. This is a time in my life I will truly remember. It is a humbling and beautiful thing to feel overwhelming amounts of love and support. It is amazing the "fireman/firewoman" type people who run into the burning house when a crisis arises. There have been so many of those people who have been supporting us through this time. We feel so sincerely grateful for all those people in our lives at this time. Thank you. We truly feel loved. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day sharing it with those you love.

No news is good news

Dave has received another platelet transfusion today. He is feeling a lot of pain in his legs. The Physician Assistant said that it is probably muscle spasms from the chemo or electrolyte imbalances. Other than that Dave is doing pretty well. He is feeling tired but is still eating well. We are still hoping to go home tomorrow and feeling oh so anxious to do so. The kids visited last night and we had a great time with them. Dave's work sent him an email this afternoon and said that they are having a bake sale fundraiser for our family tomorrow. We feel so blessed to have such thoughtful friends and family around helping in so many ways. Thank you.

A laugh

Tonight I called the kids to talk. We tried Skype but couldn't see the kids. I sang Ally Jane her songs and she sang back. Then I sang to Grant and after I was done he said, "Thanks mom, I am just scratching my own back." It was so cute that he decided to take care of that since I wasn't there to do it.