Joe is back

Joe has been staying with Dave's brother Steve and Amanda for the past three weeks. We started to miss him and he is now home with us. Things just didn't feel quite complete without him. I have to admit I really missed having him around and so did the kids. We adopted Joe from our friend's the Pettits about 4 years ago.

According to the doctor, Dave isn't supposed to touch him because of bacteria. He washes his hand if Joe slips a quick lick in. But we have enjoyed having him home. Things feel complete with him here.

We are doing good otherwise. I finally got unpacked today and folded over a weeks worth of laundry. Yesturday The kids and I went on a walk. It felt soooo good to be outside and breathe the fresh air. Dave started working on some certification classes that he is doing. He started doing a chapter a day. Go Dave.

Faith over Fear

When Dave first went to the hospital back in October. I remember going home each night with more questions than answers. It took a month before we got the Castleman's diagnosis and then a couple months after before they were sure that he had POEMS syndrome too. When the kids would ask me if Daddy was going to die. I found myself wondering the same thing. I didn't know how to pray. I wasn't sure if I was ready for "Thy will be done." I wanted "my will"- which was for Dave to be okay and our family to go back to normal. As we approached the chemo and transplant my anxiety grew. I wasn't sure if I needed to just hope for the best or prepare for the worst. My mind would wander what would it be like to be a widow at 32yrs. old. How would I take care of my kids by myself. How would they get by without a dad. I pictured Daddy- daughter dates and Father-son campouts unattended. It was hard not to think it. I guess I was running rehersals in my mind to try and prepare myself for that possibility. Convincing myself that I would be okay no matter what happens was my way to manage the anxiety.
A few days before the chemo began. We had a visit from the Stake President and the Bishop. The President gave me a beautiful blessing which words continue to resonate with me each time I get discouraged. The Bishop shared a quote with me that gave me the answered to what I had been looking for.

"Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism."-Richard C. Edgely

It has helped me each time I start feeling afraid. It was truly the answer I was looking for. Today has been a challenging day. Dave slept a lot and we all seemed a little more emotional than usual. But we made it through. Tonight we sang some songs and read some books. Brody wanted to say the family prayer. He grunts his best attempt at copying your words. Ally and Grant couldn't help themselves from laughing. Children's giggles have to be among one of life's most heartwarming sounds.

Just another day in paradise.....

Dave lost his hair in patches this week. So he decided to "Bic" it. I think he looks good! The eyebrows and goatee are still hanging on.

....you know you had a rough night of sleep when you forget how many times you were awaken in the night by each of your kids: bad dreams, growing pains, potty breaks, needing a drink, or spurts of random crying (Brody). Amazingly I don't feel too tired, yet. Dave said that he had a couple requests for me to update the blog. So, sorry for being a slacker all week. Thanks to those who are faithfully following our progress.

We have had a great week as a family. It has been such a great thing to just enjoy being together. Dave sleeps in and takes naps during the day. He is getting a lot of rest. The doctor says he is not allowed to do any housework or go to work for 6 weeks. He helps me out by playing video games or watching TV with the kids. Brody likes to go over the the couch and pat the cushion where he wants Dave to sit. Then he goes over and climbs up on the couch next to him. Grant is getting a lot of extra help on his Lego Indiana Jones game and said that he can't believe they are beating so many levels. He loves playing alongside Dave. Dave has been teasing me that this is my dream come true. I love having him home, not sick, but it has been fun to just forget about life and be together.

There have been days or weeks of life where happiness has eluded me. Depressed and anxious feelings, I believe, are part of the human experience. It is in those difficult moments that we learn about ourselves or plead for closeness with our Heavenly Father. I have been thinking about how often have I wished the present moment away and thought I can't wait till.....We go on a trip, we get a new car, the kids are all in school, I loose my baby weight, the house is all organized, when everyone is healthy, and on and on. My lists of "I will be happy when" could be neverending. I have come to realize that happiness isn't bought, a certain size, or time of life. It is a choice, and a gift of the Spirit. And although my house is a mess, I am not my ideal size, our car isn't fancy and my husband is sick. I feel truly happy. I feel grateful for life, health, the gospel, friends, family, and the safety of our home. I am living in my own little paradise.

Batman vs. Chemo

Our friends, the Kellers, found this and sent it to us in the mail yesterday. Enclosed was a card that stated "We thought you could use a little help." It was hillarioes when I figured out who Batman was fighting. I had residual delayed laughter throughout the day. The kids have been having fun playing with it too. It's nice to know that we have Batman on our side.

There's no place like home

We have been enjoying being with our kids. Ally Jane kept asking if we were going to be home by Valentine's Day. That was so important to her. They kids and my mom had decorated our house with hearts and a welcome home banner. Ally even spent "two days" to sprinkle our bed with hand-made heart confetti. It looked like a lot of work.

Dave still went to the hospital on Saturday and Sunday. His counts are rising and he officially engrafted which means the stem cells have made it to the bone marrow and are starting to produce cells on thier own. They are giving him neupogen shots that stimulate the white blood cell production. Since we have been home he has seemed really tired. He has been sleeping alot. His hair has finally started falling out. On Sunday he woke up to a very hairy pillow. We gave him a closer shave. He is one handsome bald man. Today we had heart-shaped crepes, strawberries, and turkey sausage for breakfast. Our traditional holiday/birthday breakfast. It feels good to be home. Ally Jane and Grant made Valentine's for their classes and sent them with friends so they could semi-participate in Valentine's at their schools. Dave's immune system is still weak so we will be keeping the kids home another 4-6 weeks. They show no signs of cabin fever yet.

We feel so blessed to have everyone else healthy. Dave's work gave a generous amount from their bake sale to help with medical bills, our ward brought us a deep freeze full of meals, and a box full of toys and activities for our kids. Friends and family have sent packages, letters, emails, and left phone calls. This is a time in my life I will truly remember. It is a humbling and beautiful thing to feel overwhelming amounts of love and support. It is amazing the "fireman/firewoman" type people who run into the burning house when a crisis arises. There have been so many of those people who have been supporting us through this time. We feel so sincerely grateful for all those people in our lives at this time. Thank you. We truly feel loved. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day sharing it with those you love.

No news is good news

Dave has received another platelet transfusion today. He is feeling a lot of pain in his legs. The Physician Assistant said that it is probably muscle spasms from the chemo or electrolyte imbalances. Other than that Dave is doing pretty well. He is feeling tired but is still eating well. We are still hoping to go home tomorrow and feeling oh so anxious to do so. The kids visited last night and we had a great time with them. Dave's work sent him an email this afternoon and said that they are having a bake sale fundraiser for our family tomorrow. We feel so blessed to have such thoughtful friends and family around helping in so many ways. Thank you.

A laugh

Tonight I called the kids to talk. We tried Skype but couldn't see the kids. I sang Ally Jane her songs and she sang back. Then I sang to Grant and after I was done he said, "Thanks mom, I am just scratching my own back." It was so cute that he decided to take care of that since I wasn't there to do it.

Third times a charm!

Well after an all day affair at the hospital (and watching 5 episodes of Law and Order SVU) Dave is 2 bags of blood and one bag of platelets heavier and happier. They found a more specific match to Dave's antibodies and found a platelets that fit him better. They doped him up with anti-rejection meds and infused him slowley but surely. We felt happy that it all came together without a single negative reaction. We did start the day of with some negative intestinal symptoms that for Dave's self respect will go unnamed. But all in all we have made it one day closer to going home. Hurray! Chicken Pot Pies for dinner and no kids today=( But considering that we have seen them every other day we have been gone I'll try not to complain. We talked to them on the phone tonight and they seem to be having a great time with Grandma. Only 3 more days to go and then we get to go home, hopefully.....

Hives, Hives, and More Hives

Well our routine visit turned out to be an experience today. We went in and somehow Dave's platelets had dropped lower than yesterday even after his tranfusion. Platelets are resposible for clotting blood. Anyway, they were cautious and gave him some Benedryl and slowly started the transfusion. He slowly started popping out hives and they stopped gave him hydrocortizone, waited and then started again. Then the hives then went crazy. He had them on his head, stomach, back, arms, and a huge one on one of his eyes. He looked like a prizefighter. They gave him more hydrocortizone and decided it wasn't safe to proceed. We were finally sent home in the afternoon and said to come back tomorrow. The blood bank is going to try to search more closely for antibodies that he may be reacting to inside the platelets. He will recieve two bags of red blood cells tomorrow and a bag of platelets, hopefully all goes well. If not they said he would need to be admittted inpatient. And we don't want that. He has been smiling through it all. And no sickness yet. We feel so happy that he has been able to eat. It is amazing to see the man you love face something like this with courage and optimism. My love and respect for him grows every day. What a man. My mom brought a delicious crockpot dinner and the kids to visit tonight. My mom looked a little overwhelmed with loading and unloading all the kids and dinner to bring. She didn't want to commit to coming again tomorrow, "maybe Wednesday" she said. It's sure a lot of work bringing the kids somewhere when you aren't used to it.

Super Bowl Sunday

We went in for our check-up at the hospital. Dave got another dose of chemo Velcade. He also got an IV antibiotic to help prevent infection. They found in his blood results that his platelets were too low. He received a platelet transfusion. Five hours after being at the hospital we returned to the hotel. Dave had an allergic reaction to the platelets and started getting hives. We contacted the on- call doctor who said to watch him closely and give him Benadryl. The hives went away and he has felt okay so I think we are okay. Good news to report other than that. Dave was told that if he didn't get mouth sores by today that he is probably in the clear. We are feeling exited about that. We also are feeling great that Dave has been able to eat and isn't feeling sick, just tired. The kids came to our hotel tonight with Dave's brother Chris and Amy. We watched the super bowl. It was fun to see them. Ally and I made a felt donut that she has been wanting to learn how to sew and Grant picked out felt for a cupcake he wanted me to make for him. Brody kept us laughing with his dancing and his learning to wink. He is so cute. We love the time we are getting to see the kids. Thanks for the prayers and fasting. We truly have felt the support.